Thanks to everyone who responded to the first “Baby Update” message sent in November. I have discovered that many friends, family members, and colleagues have been touched by adoption in some way -- as an adoptee, prospective adoptive parents, adoptive parents, or as aunt/uncle/grandparent to adopted children. Many of you asked great questions. My guess is that some of you wondered about these same questions, but maybe didn’t quite know how to ask. Here are the most popular questions with my answers. Keep those questions coming...
Why not just get pregnant?
My goal is to raise a child. I do not have a burning desire, at 46, to experience pregnancy and childbirth. But, hey, many thanks to the really generous guys who offered to be sperm donors in the, um, shall we say, more traditional way...
Why not adopt a child from the United States?
This question deserves a long, comprehensive answer, but let me try to be brief. In the US, we no longer have orphanages full of babies waiting to be adopted. Domestic adoption of babies is a very individualized, complicated process that I have decided is not for me (at least at this time). Yes, we do still have group homes for foster children in this country. When I did volunteer work for about eight years with foster children from group homes near New York City, I came to the sad conclusion that our system grants far too many rights to the birth parents and too few to the children. While many of you know my penchant for trying to solve large, complex problems (that sometimes fall into the category of “trying to boil the ocean”), fixing the foster care/adoption system is too big for me to take on (again, at least at this time).
Okay, so you’ve chosen international adoption over domestic adoption, but why Kazakhstan?
I have chosen to adopt from Kazakhstan because I believe that country’s adoption process prioritizes the child’s welfare. Adoptive parents travel to Kazakhstan, meet with the staff at the baby house, and over the course of a two-week bonding period find their child (often, adoptive parents say that their child selected them rather than the other way around). I’ll be able to spend four hours a day at the baby house (two in the morning, two in the afternoon) -- this is a good transition time for the child, I think. I’ll have the chance to learn from the caregivers about eating and sleeping habits and the general needs of the child. I also plan to use the time in Kazakhstan to learn even more about the people and culture of the country (to eventually teach to my child). All in all, when it comes time to appear in court to finalize the adoption (some time in the third week), I believe everyone involved will have had enough time to know that the child and I are meant to be a family.
Why does it cost so much?
About $26,000 of the estimated $40,000 total fee, is paid to Children at Heart Adoption Services (this covers work that is performed in the U.S. for the home study and dossier, the fees for drivers, translators, coordinators, and lawyers in Kazakhstan, and a $2,000 donation to the orphanage). More than $1,000 goes to various US government agencies for fingerprinting, background checks, certifications, and apostilles. Finally, there are the expenses involved in traveling to, staying in, and coming home from Kazakhstan. To me, it is all worth it.
Do you want a boy or a girl?
Yes, I want either a boy or a girl. No, I still don’t plan to designate a gender preference beforehand. I have confidence that I will know my child when I see him or her...
Do you have names selected?
I love hearing suggestions for names so keep those ideas coming! I won’t decide on a name until I meet my child and know his or her Kazakh/Russian birth name.
